She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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