awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
