I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
