I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
