Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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