So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
