don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
