gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
