My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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