Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
