So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
