What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
