After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
