how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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