In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
