Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We had to coat check the pizza.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
