ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
