and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
