VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
