dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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