I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
