So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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