I'm going to jail i love you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
