i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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