I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
