I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
