I just made out with a guy for $7.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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