Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
