I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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