You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
