She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
