Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
