She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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