Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
