Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
