i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
