every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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