this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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