OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
