hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
