I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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