allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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