My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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