today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
