She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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