She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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