she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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