Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you would pick up someone in the library
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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