Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
