Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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