i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
