i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
