What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
